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Subject: Cows and Economic Systems
 What is the proper age to
get married?
"Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore,
and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy,
8)
CAPITALISM: You have
two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
TOTALITARIANISM: You
have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
Milk is banned.
FASCISM: You have two
cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells
you the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You
have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone
else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives
you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with
everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have
to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers.
The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations
say you should need.
PURE COMMUNISM: You
have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share
the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes
all the milk.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You
have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the
milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After
the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures.
The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government
doesn't do anything.
ANARCHY: You have two
cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to
kill you and take the cows.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You
have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed
farm animals in an apartment.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company,
using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get
all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk
rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman
Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the
rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report
says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile,
you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.
Note: We're not one
hundred percent sure where this clever treatise on cows and economic systems
originated, but the word is that it was developed by the Asia Research
Center at the Copenhagen Business School.
Previous "Peacock Humor Garden" pages:
 #1
#2
#3
#4
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