TMI US: TMI US: Peacock Humor Garden

Peacock Humor Pen

HUMOROUS DEFINITIONS

The following are from the Washington Post Style Invitational (a weekly contest for readers). The idea is to redefine words from the dictionary.

Abdicate--v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma--n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade--v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Flabbergasted--adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Negligent--adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph--v., to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle--n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard--n., a very rude Metro bus driver.

Coffee--n., a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence--n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash--n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Semantics--n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the
priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's
prayer book together just before vespers.

Rectitude--n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist
immediately before he examines you.

Oyster--n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
expressions.

TMI US Staff

Previous "Peacock Humor Garden" pages:

    #1 A Day at the Bar,I

    #2 Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

    #3 A Day at the Bar, II

    #4 Thoughts on Love from Children

    #5 Cows and Economics Systems

    #6 Some Really Good Puns

    #7 Real Life Dilbertisms

    #8 "Original" Endings

    #9 Appropriate Signs

#10 Actual Newspaper Headlines

#11 More Actual Newspaper Headlines

#12 Modern Computer Viruses--Updated

#13 What To Do with Dead Horses

#14 Some More Actual Headlines

#15 Corporate Life Too Long When...

#16 Sage Advice from Children, Ages 7-16

#17 Haiku Error Messages

#18 How to Write Good

#19 T-Shirt Sightings

#20 Definitions

#21 Two Clean Jokes

#22 If You Think You Are Having a Bad Day

#23 Thoughts on Love from Children

#24 Real Resume Bloopers

#25 In-class Assignment

#26 Patients' Charts

#27 Martha Stewart's Christmas Letter

#28 More Actual Patients' Charts

#29 Thoughts to Ponder

#30 More Thoughts to Ponder

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