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Peacock Humor Pen
A collection of documentation
statements actually found on patients' charts during a review of medical
records.
1. The lab test indicated
abnormal lover function.
2. The baby was delivered,
the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed
and cried immediately.
3. Exam of genitalia
reveals that he is circus sized.
4. The skin was moist
and dry.
5. Rectal exam revealed
a normal size thyroid.
6. The patient had
waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
7. She stated that
she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a
divorce.
8. Between you and
me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
9. The patient was
in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and
crashed.
10. I saw your patient
today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
11. The patient lives
at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled
in day care three times a week.
12. Bleeding started
in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
13. Both breasts
are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
14. She is numb from
her toes down.
15. Exam of genitalia
was completely negative except for the right foot.
16. While in the
emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
17. The patient was
to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
18. The patient suffers
from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
19. Coming from Detroit,
this man has no children.
20. Examination reveals
a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
21. Patient was alert
and unresponsive.
22. When she fainted,
her eyes rolled around the room.
23. Cardiac: Patient
has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.
24.
By the time she was admitted to the hospital, her rapid heart beat had
stopped and she was feeling much better.
25. Musculoskeletal:
On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it had completely
disappeared.
26. Healthy appearing,
decrepit 69 year old female, mentally alert, but forgetful.
27. Fleet enema given
with stool hard as pine knots.
28. Patient complains
of indigestion last night when he ate a stake.
29. Patient passed
flatus...two short, one long.
30.
Patient was seen in consultation by the physician, who felt we should sit
tight on the abdomen and I agreed.
31. Indwelling catheter
reveals that he is draining clear yellow roses.
32. Pelvic examination
to be done later on the floor.
33. Indwelling urinary
catheter draining urine the color of American Beer.
34. MD at bedside
attempting to urinate. Unsuccessful.(The physician was actually attempting
to intubate the patient.)
35. Skin, somewhat
pale but present.
36. Because she can't
get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
37.
If he squeezes the back of his neck for 4 or 5 years, it comes and goes.
38. Discharge status:
Alive, but without permission.
Previous "Peacock Humor Garden" pages:
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