Peacock Humor Pen
Venus and Mars meet
in a tandem writing exercise
Remember the book
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Well, here's a prime example
offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University, English
44A, SMU, Creative Writing, Prof. Miller.
In-class Assignment
for Wednesday:
"Today we will experiment
with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each
person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story.
The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph
to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph,and
so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each
time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree
a conclusion has been reached."
"The following was
actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca and Gary."
STORY:
(first paragraph by
Rebecca)
At first, Laurie
couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used
to be her favorite
for lazy evenings
at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs,
keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if
she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again.
So chamomile was out of the question.
(second paragraph
by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance
Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon
4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed
asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over
a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance
so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed
out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The
jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
cockpit.
(third paragraphy
by Rebecca)
He bumped his head
and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret
for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for
him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards
the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing
War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news
simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming
of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree,
with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense
of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must
one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
(fourth paragraph
by Gary)
Little did she know,
but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the
city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion
missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral
Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless
target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the
human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian
ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize
the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably
massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans.
The President slammed his fist on the conference "We can't allow this!
I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
(fifth entry by Rebecca)
This is absurd.
I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is
a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
(sixth entry by Gary)
Yeah? Well,
you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
literary equivalent of Valium.
(seventh entry by
Rebecca)
Jerk.
(eighth entry by Gary)
Creep.
Note: We edited the
last two words. They were actually a little bit stronger!
Previous "Peacock Humor Garden" pages:
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