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Peacock Humor Pen Real Resume Bloopers
The following are bloopers from real resumes sent to Robert Half International: - "Reason for leaving : I blew the whistle on my crooked boss and I turned him in. He went to jail." - From a cover letter : "I know about the "i" before "e" except after "c" thing." - From a cover letter : "You could do worse than hiring me." - "Personal requirements : Quality of coffee is important to me. I bring my own and need my own facilities." - From a cover letter : "My salary requirement is currently $34 a year." - From a cover letter : "My training as a body builder has given me an impressive stature. But should we meet for an interview, don't let my size and strength intimidate you." - "Objective : To work. I think it is important to work." - "Duties : Putting on a good performance for disgruntled customers." - From a cover letter : "I am very willing to relocate. My lack of home furnishings makes it easy for me to work anywhere." - "Reason for Leaving : defected due to my leader's well-known lack of sensitivity." - From a cover Letter : "I have not included a resume because I've done it all." - "Reason for leaving : Elbow sprain." - "Reason for leaving : Sensitive subject." - "Skills : I do not type, know nothing about computers and do not intend to learn any of those things." - "Objective : I am willing to deal with computers except the sort of data entry involving entering numbers. I am not good at typing numbers. Besides, it sounds terrifically boring." - The first line of a resume, in big, bold letters : "I am a class act and don't come cheap." - From a cover letter : "I prefer pleasant employment interviews and avoid those that aren't." - "LENGTH OF RESIDENCE : 75 feet." - "HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED? No, never got caught." - "ARE YOU A NATURAL BORN CITIZEN OF THE UNITED STATES? No. Caesarian." - "JOB DESIRED : Desperately need income. Will accept any job that pays more than my debts." - "Requirements : Must be home in time to watch Melrose Place." - From a cover letter : "I've been unemployed for the last year, but I need something to do, so I'm applying for this job." - "Experience : Sales Manager : 1887-1981." - "Education: Yes." - "Skills : Excellent math skills, good memory, excellent math skills." - From a cover letter : "After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work." - "Education : Statistics mayor." - "Experience: I was involved in every aspect of the business, including office administration, customer service and cadaver preparation." - "Skills : I can type 50 words a minute, but when pushed can type 55 words per minute." - "Interests : I am completely fascinated by computer networking. I follow it wherever it goes." - From a cover letter : "Willing to relocate to residence in upperscale neighbourhood on waterfront with easy access to mass transit." - "Objective : Secure a position in a large firm as a receptionist, PBX operator, manager, owner or accounts receivable clerk." - "Qualifications : Provided heavy and mind-boggling levels of secretarial assistance to the company's executives and fortunately lived to tell about it." - From a cover letter : "P.S. I can't sing a note to save my life." - "Accomplishments : Instituted tremendous cost savings by downsizing accounting department to half its original size." - "Experience : I
like to work at marketing because
- "Goal : Pay off my $14,976.46 student loan from the University of Wisconsin." - Reason for leaving : "The salary I was being paid was not commensurate with my skills and abilities." - "Reason for leaving : Conflicts with the SEC, IRS and FBI." Thank you, Robert
Half International, for collecting and sharing these bloopers.
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