You can become a successful writer by following these little rules. Written by Ricardo a. Gonzalez. Thank you for your creativity.

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)

4. Employ the vernacular.

5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

8. Contractions aren't necessary.

9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

10. One should never generalize.

11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

12. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

13. Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. Profanity sucks.

15. Be more or less specific.

16. Understatement is always best.

17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be avoided.

21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

23. Who needs rhetorical questions? 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Previous "Peacock Humor Garden" pages: 
 

#1	A Day at the Bar,I
#2	Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
#3	A Day at the Bar, II
#4	Thoughts on Love from Children
#5	Cows and Economics Systems
#6	Some Really Good Puns
#7	Real Life Dilbertisms
#8	"Original" Endings
#9	Appropriate Signs
#10	Actual Newspaper Headlines
#11	More Actual Newspaper Headlines
#12	Modern Computer Viruses--Updated
#13	What To Do with Dead Horses
#14	Some More Actual Headlines
#15	Corporate Life Too Long When...
#16	Sage Advice from Children, Ages 7-16
#17	Haiku Error Messages

 

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